Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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