My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
