Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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