i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
