i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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