Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
