Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
