i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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