i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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