After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
