Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
