apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
