Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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