i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
