i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
