normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
