So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
