He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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