i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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