Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That's when you crack a 10am beer
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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