I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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