I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
