I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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