Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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