carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
