video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i now understand why vodka
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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