I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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