My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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