he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
