put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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