cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
