toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
