There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We are two peas in an std pod
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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