My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
