They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
