he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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