some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
