I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
