She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
