He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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