I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
