felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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