How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
