SEEEEXXX PLEASE
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
