I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's shark week go big or go home
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
