If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
