we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
