we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
