i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
