why didn't you poke me back
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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