I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
