Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
