i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
